What Happened?

Posted on Tue Aug 28, 2018 @ 9:44pm by Ensign Willow Riordan & Lieutenant JG Jacob Hartley

Mission: Falling Star
Location: Jacob's Quarters
Timeline: MD 34 || 2200 Hours

Willow waited as long as she could for Jacob to show up to her quarters for their date, but the time had come and gone and there was no contact from him. Did he stand her up? Decide that she wasn't worth his time? She had no way of knowing, but she was Intel and she was going to find out.

She changed out of the green dress that she had worn for him and put on a pair of baggy sweatpants and top that hid her curves, pulled her hair back in a ponytail, put on some sneakers and headed out to see what had kept him from even contacting her.

A short time later, she arrived at his quarters and pressed the chime three times to announce herself.

Jacob stood in his quarters, where he had been since receiving the message from Earth, with it still on his computer screen. It had been delayed in reaching him, but he had gotten it...and it hadn't been a good one.

The lights in his quarters were out, with the only light being from the stars, and that was barely enough to light the room. He was, at that moment, a little more than a shadow, both inside and out. He heard the chime, reached down to his computer console, and pressed a button which would open the door, before standing up and facing the stars again.

Willow entered and frowned when she saw the lights were off, yet the door had opened. She saw the silhouette of a figure by the console and stepped forward. "Jacob?" she asked.

"Willow." Jacob greeted. He remembered they were supposed to meet for another date. But he had...had he forgotten it? Or was it just that everything was...hollow for him right now? He wasn't actually sure. He wanted to say something, anything...but how would he word it. "I..." He didn't want to say he forgot, he didn't want to lie to her. "I'm sorry. I was..." He started again, finding himself lost for words.

She crossed over to where he was. "Jacob, what happened?" she asked softly when she heard the normally secure man suddenly sound at a loss.

"I...I received a message today. Because of our mission, it was slightly delayed." Jacob said. "There was...an accident. A transport ship was going to Risa from Earth, and there was an engine malfunction, causing an explosion. A Starfleet ship was able to rescue some of the passengers, but about half of them died...including my adoptive parents." He said.

He felt a tear roll down his cheek, and fall to the floor. "It...it's the second time my parents have died, for the same reason." He said softly.

Whatever anger Willow had faded from her and she filled with compassion as she knelt down next to him and reached to take one of his hands. "I am so terribly sorry to hear that," she said, the words entirely unable to express how she was feeling at that news. She swallowed hard and tried to find something to say.

"Do they...do you..." she paused and tried again. "What..I'm sorry, Jacob. I can't imagine what this must be like for you, but I'm here for you."

Jacob felt her hand in his, and that moment gave him a little comfort. It was hard for him to express how he was feeling. It hadn't been so long ago that he had been at the funeral of his mentor, William. Now he would be at the funeral of his parents, again.

His birth parents...this made him think of them. He wondered...had he been angry at them for too long for the wrong reasons? Was it even their fault? Yes, the engine parts needed replacing, but accidents...they could happen, to any ship. To anyone.

Anger was something that he had been holding onto for so long. He had let it keep him isolated. And then he had met Willow, and suddenly, he wasn't angry anymore. Life...seemed like there was more to living that just doing one's duty.

"Thank you, Willow." He said. He felt more tears flowing, and he didn't fight them. "I..." He started. He had told her about his birth parents when they had first met on the holodeck, but he hadn't gone into detail. He hadn't talked much about his adoptive parents, but he had been hoping to speak to them, to tell them he had finally met someone who he liked. Now he wouldn't get to do that.

"They were going on holiday...for the first time in years. And I...I had suggested they do it. I know it isn't my fault, but I still...wonder if I shouldn't have said anything. Or if I had suggested somewhere and not let my father suggest Risa." He said.

Willow swallowed hard when she heard the blame in his voice directed at himself. "We can never know or be prepared for such things no matter what we say, do, or wish," she said softly. "You can't blame yourself, Jacob. They wouldn't want that and neither do I."

"No, they probably wouldn't." He agreed. He stared out at space, his fingers locking in with hers. "It just...I read the letter, and I was angry. Angry at the ship captain, angry at the ship engineer. Angry at anyone I could try and direct my anger to. And then...something hit me. I had felt the same anger all my life, directed at my birth parents. And I knew...I have been angry for so long." He said.

He swallowed, and looked at her. "Then you came along, and I didn't want to be angry anymore." He told her. "I started...finding what it was to be happy." He admitted. He hoped he wasn't being forward, but for the first time, he had felt...genuinely happy.

"Anger destroys and it's never positive," she said as she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "People think they can channel it to production, but it's always destructive production no matter what they think. The most important thing is to never let them or your birth parents die in your heart and mind. They'll always be with you that way."

Jacob nodded, grateful that she had tracked him down. He wasn't alone anymore, and that gave him a sense of comfort. He didn't know what the future held, but having Willow there...

"Thank you, for being here Willow." Jacob said softly. He looked at her again. "I don't often tell people how I feel, and I don't like seeing counsellors, because most of the time...I'm petrified that I'll make the wrong decision. So I do make the occasional mistake, and I live with that. But it's always been so important for everyone to see me the same way...bulletproof. I know, it's not a smart move, but it's the way I've lived so far." He said.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else, Jacob," Willow told him. "It's good to talk about how you feel, even if it's to yourself at times. You're human and you have human emotions. I'm here for you and you're safe."

Jacob nodded. He wanted to say more, but what could he say? She was right, of course, but for so long now he had kept in control of his emotions because as he had told Willow, he had to keep up the appearance. But since coming onto this ship...everything had changed for him. He hadn't seen it coming, but everything was changing for him.

"Willow...I..." He started. He wanted to...what did he want to say? Did he want to say he loved her? If he did, was it true, or was it his emotions telling him he wanted to be near to someone. Or was it how he felt? But he hadn't known her for that long. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he find the words?

He had never faced loss like this, not on such a personal level, not until recently. And it was having an effect on him. "I..." He froze again.

She stood and wrapped her arms around him and held him to her chest, one hand stroking his back while the other went through his hair. "Let it out, Jacob," she encouraged him softly. "It's okay."

In her arms, Jacob felt...he did feel safe. For the first time in...he didn't even know how long, but he felt safe. And wanted, and needed. Just...his head on her chest, he could feel her heart beating. Every beat he heard, every thump...it was almost like a lullaby to him. Telling him he would be safe with Willow. That he no longer needed to be alone.

And he had been alone for so long. He didn't want to be alone, not anymore. "Willow..." He whispered. "I...I love you." He whispered, his voice barely loud enough to be heard. "I don't...I don't want to be alone." He added, his voice still a whisper so only she could hear him, the tears flowing freely.

Willow knew that his declaration was because of how he felt, but her heart was with his while she continued to hold him to her, encouraging him non-verbally when she felt his tears wet her outfit. She continued to rub his back and stroke his hair, letting him know she was there for him in a way that words couldn't.

Jacob felt...he felt the comfort Willow was providing. He was tired of being strong, of being the stoic one who faced anything calmly. He had been strong for so long, but now he was able to open up. He wasn't alone now, and that thought...it sustained him.

And it would sustain him as he felt exhaustion take him. It would sustain him as he began to fall asleep, now he was able to grieve properly, and not hold it all inside.